The Epic Son Banjo Cochita
by TheAuraLucario
Summary: When Banjo/Meiko runs off into the forest, he finds a mansion w/ meals galore our the last one he will have. Meiko's The Epicurean Daughter of Evil, Conchita Parody Rating K : Chapter 1-5 Rating T : the rest
1. Chapter 1

The Epic Son

Banjo Conchit

Chapter 1

Running away in the rain, Banjo Conchit the honey bear kept going. Panting and running out of energy, he was able to escape the clutches of the real world. Banjo was an evil food critic, but one day he decided one thing. "Maybe I can try something else I've tried almost everything to salty to spicy," he thought.

He desired only one thing right now: the sweetest food in the world. Bruised and wounded all over his body. Holes in his shorts, dirt in his backpack, bleeding cuts on his arms, and even a slash on his left cheek, but he still kept trekking on. Trying to escape the forest trail, he tripped to only see above him.


	2. Chapter 2

So cool more dialouge plus I say shaman because there's one man and one woman so yeah

* * *

Chapter 2

Two people stood in front of him, Mumbo and Humba. Mumbo in a black pants and shirt and Humba in a black dress with a red bow on her neck both stared at Banjo with deceitful expressions on their faces.

"Hello, bear," Mumbo said.

"Uh… hi," Banjo said nervously.

"Would you like to come with us?"

"Um… where?"

"Mumbo and Humba will take you to mansion," they said.

"Okay," he finally said.

As the two shamans lead the way for Banjo, the sight of the mansion came into view bigger and bigger it became.

"So, why you chose me to come?" he asked.

"Because bear wanted something different" Humba explained "so shamans will stuff bear with sweet things."

"Cool, I'm still curious why," he asked again.

They didn't reply and kept walking on the path.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Here."

Black wood made up the walls, the roof widened, the doors were ominous, and the windows nice and polished. Sweat ran down the bear's face, nervous just nervous of what could

happen in that house.

"Come in," the two said as they opened the double doors.

Stepping inside, Banjo's eyes twinkled with awe as he saw the mansion was neat and fancy. A nice a couch, fireplace, a table filled with delicious treats and even a cup filled with tea.

"Wow, it's so fancy."

"Go upstairs to bear's room, change, and come for dinner," Humba said.

As Banjo climbed the spiral staircase, it looked like it kept going and going. Finally, at the top of the stairs a hallway was leading to a single door. He carefully opened it to only find that

there was only a huge bed, a closet, and a young breegull staring at him with glee.

"Hello, you must be the new guest, I heard from downstairs!" the breegull sounded excited "I'm Kazooie your maid, which really sucks the author gave me!"

"Hey shut up I'm getting these ideas from some where else!" a girl's voice said.

"Okay weird talking walls," he nervously said.

"Here your clothes and a wash room," Kazooie said "now go make yourself look handsome will you and make it snappy."

"I'm going, I'm goin'." he said as he rushed.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

After taking a shower, Banjo put on his unique clothes. Black pants, coat, white loose shirt, and bow tie. Going outside, he found Kazooie playing Game Boy; Banjo glanced over and rushed down the stairs to only see the largest table filled with dessert.

"Bear hungry?" Humba asked.

"Yeah, it's been days."

"Enjoy."

With a big smile on his face, Banjo sat down and ate all the different kinds of desserts. Honey combs; honey cake; chocolate pudding; strawberry short cake; and even more desserts even humans haven't invented to only wash down with honey tea. Later, the table was empty and clean; spotless even all the plates licked clean.

"Like," Mumbo asked.

"Yeah it's great, sweet things galore." Banjo said excitedly.

"Bear want more?" Humba asked gleefully.

"Yes!"

More and more were served to the bear. Even after three courses, he ate and drank all until he couldn't stuff anymore in his stomach.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The bear went upstairs to his room, when he bumped into Kazooie on the way. "Sup fur face," Kazooie said.  
"Nothing much, just finished eating," Banjo replied "The people downstairs are nice."  
"Yeah wait until you really start to crave more." she said sarcastically.  
"What do you mean?"  
"Sorry, can't tell you the rest."  
"Why?"  
"Eating hit it hard on the last one."  
"What does that mean?"  
Instead, Kazooie just walked away without replying to the bear's question. Pondering on what the maid meant by her quote, he laid on the bed feeling sleepy.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

For the next whole week, Banjo disobeyed Kazooie's quote and kept on eating. Though the maid kept an eye out for the bear for she worried about him.  
"Mumbo want to talk to bird brain," Mumbo called to Kazooie.  
"What hut boy?" Kazooie responded.  
"Why bird watch bear?"  
"The honey bear really needs to watch what he eats, seriously you guys feed him the most unhealthy stuff in the universe!" she complained.  
"That what make bear happy."  
"Well that's correct."  
"Now bear craves something different maybe bird cake."  
Kazooie felt nervous, when seeing the knife pulling out of Mumbo's pants pocket.  
"Hey we can talk about this, skull face."  
"What master wants, gets!"  
"No!" Kazooie's last words were.  
The knife slashed and cut through Kazooie's neck. Red blood flowed out of the bird's head and motionless body. Floor stained of what's left of the poor maid's body.  
"Making this into dessert hard." Mumbo said as he left with the maid in a sack. With only a slick smile, he went down the stairs to the kitchen.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Banjo walked upstairs again to see that the bird maid was not playing Game Boy as usual.

"Wonder where Kazooie went?" he pondered aloud "I'll might leave tomorrow."

Mumbo over heard the thinking and thought about the bear and his absence tomorrow.

"Bird cup cakes not enough, but people good for bear." he thought "Bear really wants human told Mumbo earlier."

The quote ran through Mumbo's mind again.

"Man a person must taste delicious, wonder if you guys can make it."

Mumbo crept downstairs to the kitchen.  
In the back of the kitchen, there was a white door. Opening it he came into a room with a closet and a bunk bed with Humba sleeping on the top.  
Reaching into his pants pocket, he got his sharpest knife. Closer and closer to the bunk bed ladder, he climbed up and saw Humba sleeping peacefully.  
The servant girl woke up to pull her knife quickly and stabbed the shaman's chest.

"Why?" Mumbo said weakly as he laid on the floor.

"Master wants gets like Mumbo say."

Then, Mumbo laid on the floor to only fall on his own blood gushing out of him.

With only a slick smile, Humba carried him off to the kitchen to be cooked for tomorrow's meals.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

That night Banjo remembered something from dessert. Bird cup cakes and that feather as a topping of his pudding, it all made sense now. Mumbo or Humba killed Kazooie!  
"Kazooie, she was murdered!" he said quietly to himself "Because of me!"  
Humba heard him through the kitchen. She thought of something:  
"Humba should hurry up and give bear potion."  
The next morning, Banjo woke up with a nervous feeling about the bird maid, that she was killed and all.  
"Keep calm, I'll just eat and maybe leave," he thought. Going down the stairs again, he found that one servant was gone and only Humba was there.  
"Weren't there two of you guys?"  
"Yes, but Mumbo left for vacation."  
"So what's there to eat today?"  
"Nothing much, but a cup for bear to drink."  
"Okay works for me."  
Noticing the cup, it wasn't coffee or any juice, but more like Coke with sparks flying.  
"Go on drink." Humba insisted.  
With a quick gulp, Banjo drank the whole concoction. Though something felt different, he felt dazed with dizziness.  
"Foolish bear drink sake!" she said gleefully "Now bear will stay longer."  
Banjo kept eating all courses for three days. Eating and eating through all different desserts until Humba ran out of food to feed him.  
"What Humba feed bear next?" she thought for a moment "Humba know..."  
With her slick smile she escaped out of the mansion to spy on bear and what he'll do since he's drunk and crazy from the sake.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

The next day, Banjo could only think of food. Still dizzy from the special sake, he walked downstairs to only see that Humba was gone from the table with only a note.  
It read:  
Dear Bear,  
Humba went to get more food. Be back tomorrow.  
Humba  
"That's okay." he thought.  
He wandered around the mansion and went into his room. Laying on his bed, he thought:  
"Great I'm hungry and there's nothing sweet to eat."  
Until he realized one thing; himself. He thought he must be filled with sweet things after all that eating.  
"Hey I'm filled with sweet things." Suddenly, he bit his paw and ate fully. All he could think about was eating so he kept on eating his sweet filled self, his blood fell to the floor, parts of his body missing, broken and taken off,until he was left with nothing, but a lone tuxedo. The mansion fell to a silent tone.  
No one was inside the house, empty of people.


	10. Chapter 10

Final Chapter

Now to this very day, no one has even stepped into the mansion, but whatever happened to Humba. No one knows, not even the people in the village. Some say she escaped, some say she died, but some say she stays in the mansion. They will never know. No one has figured out why Humba left in the first place.  
"Nice story, DumJars." Kazooie said.  
"That was scary." Bottles said.  
"Thanks, I learned about it from the author." Jamjars replied.  
"How come you replaced the real names with are names?" Banjo wondered.  
"Cause if I told you the real story you would have all wet yourselves.  
"You mean like Banjo when we were nine and told the story of vampires," Kazooie said.  
"Shut up!" Banjo yelled at Kazooie.  
After all the laughing, Banjo and Kazooie left for their blue house in Spiral Mountain. Bottles and Jamjars both slept in a bunk bed peacefully.


End file.
